


The Inner Make Out Monologue

by hjbaltimore



Series: The Inner Monologue Menagerie [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, M/M, Making Out, Romance, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-19
Updated: 2013-12-19
Packaged: 2018-01-05 03:44:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1089221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hjbaltimore/pseuds/hjbaltimore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Cas had leaned over, resting his head on Dean with heavily lidded eyes still fixed on the screen. A blissful kind of tingling ache spread from his toes to his neck. He scooted his butt a little closer, and rested his head on top of Castiel’s, looping his arm around the back of sofa.</em>
</p><p>It's cold outside, warm inside, and Dean thinks too much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Inner Make Out Monologue

**Author's Note:**

> Rated 'T' for 'they all have issues'.

There were two reasons Dean Winchester didn’t do monogamy. One, he didn’t normally want to, _and there’s nothing wrong with that Sam, get off my back!_ Two, it simply wasn’t practical. Not with his life. There had only ever been three exceptions: Robin, Cassie, and Lisa. And really, only one out of those three could even be considered long term. Did it count as monogamous if it only lasted a few weeks?

So he had no idea what he and Cas were. It was like a game of gay chicken that they never really stopped playing, or for that matter, even remembered starting. Sure, they’d both had their flings since they’d met. Dean more than Castiel, obviously. Dude had only recently noticed there was a dick attached to that vessel of his. But ever since he got back from Hell, Dean had trouble really finding sex even as nearly appealing as it used to be. There was even that whole two years or so there he didn’t have sex at all (it certainly wasn’t out of paranoia that his next partner might not be human, no sir. Accidentally impregnating an Amazonian warrior had nothing to do with it) because he so preoccupied. If he had to be honest with himself, missing Cas was at least half of that distraction.

Dean had no problem with Cas and his newfound sexuality. Really! He’d tried to help him with that convenience store lady, hadn’t he? Dean was ready to give the guy a freaking medal when they all got back the bunker. Cas had finally done the deed, and Dean didn’t even need to hire a pro for him either. Of course, she was being possessed by a reaper, but hey, Sam had done it with a werewolf and a demon. It could’ve been much worse. At least he did it with the consenting human part and not the other.

 _He’d probably say yes if you asked him to sleep with you, you know_ , said a small voice in the back of his head. Dean gave his whole body a little shake. Nope nope nope. Maybe? NOPE. No no no nope. No. Despite his mistakes, Castiel was pure, holy being. All those dick wings were. He was not about to go and seduce an angel. Not now, not ever.

Well, except Anna, but she didn’t count. She was human. And she came on to him, not the other way around. _Wait, was Cas human now?_

Dean flicked his eyes to his left. Castiel was sitting on the couch with him, eyes glued to the television in an expressionless gaze forward. It didn’t matter, really. Castiel wasn’t even human by choice. Taking advantage of that would be an asshole move. Anna was willingly human. He felt his face drop a bit. He kind of missed her. Just a little. Dean’s attitude towards Castiel’s sexuality was the same as it was for Sam: he’ll encourage it, set him up, even pat him on the back afterwards, but didn’t want to hear the details. Cas wasn’t even allowed to _look_ at porn when he was around, or be around when Dean was the one looking at porn. Not that that was a rule he had for Sam, but that was… different.

Fuck. Who was he trying to kid? He both literally and metaphorically kicked himself every time he said Cas was like a brother to him.

He was finally jolted out of this loop when something heavy weighed on shoulder. Cas had leaned over, resting his head on Dean with heavily lidded eyes still fixed on the screen. A blissful kind of tingling ache spread from his toes to his neck. He scooted his butt a little closer, and rested his head on top of Castiel’s, stretching his arm around the back of sofa.

It was kind of cool outside, but the air in the motel room was warm. The TV’s volume was low, but it was a fight scene anyway. Nothing but explosions and yelling from people in weird costumes to other people in weird costumes. The overhead light’s bulb had gone out, and rather than having to phone the main office, Cas had just turned on the lamp on the nightstand in-between the beds, except it really gave off more of a dull glow than any substantial light. The whole atmosphere of the room was conspiring to make them sleepy, and it was only 8pm.

Dean shifted a little, making Cas’ hair brush the underside of his jaw. It was nice, though. Drowsy, but not enough to sleep, watching some dumb movie while pseudo-cuddling with Cas… Dean imagined the inevitable day when he and Sam finally got put down for good, this would probably be one of the memories he would get to replay for eternity (this was assuming, of course, he still had spot reserved up there for him). It was a strangely comforting thought, being able to spend forever with Castiel, even if wouldn’t _really_ be him. Maybe, if Cas stayed human, when he died too, they could visit each other’s heaven. He though about Ash and Pamela, waiting for his and Sam’s return. So many people he could introduce to Castiel. Was that a selfish thought? Wanting him to stay human, for the only purpose of dying and spending the afterlife together? If Castiel were still an angel, it could just as well work the same way. Except, Cas would be able to leave…

Holy shit, he really was a horrible person, wasn’t he?

Dean’s body shook again, trying to shake off those creepy thoughts. Cas turned his head and raised an eyebrow. Dean gave a sheepish smile and quick shrug in return. A few minutes later and he was only vaguely aware a new movie had started. He had started to doze off, and it all just looked like one big, sleepy blur. For probably the same reason he hadn’t even noticed that Cas was dotting his left cheek with feathery kisses, cupping his head with one hand and stroking his thumb repeatedly through the same spot in Dean’s hair.

“Mmn, tha’ feels nice,” he mumbled.

“April certainly liked it.”

Dean snapped his eyes open and jerked his body away from a mildly surprised looking Castiel. “First of all, what are you doing? Second of all, if you’re trying to get a mood going, don’t compare me to your girlfriends!”

“April wasn’t my girlfriend. Also, she’s dead.”

“You know what I mean.” Dean said accusingly. He could never tell whether Castiel was being sarcastic or not nowadays. He sighed. Whatever X-Men movie had come on now was suddenly fascinating, and had to will himself to not turn the volume up and quit while he was still ahead.

“What do you want from me, Cas?”

They looked at each other. Castiel looked tired. Tired and _human_. Dean remembered that last time he’d looked like this, back in Purgatory, even still when they confronted each other in the hotel room during that weird “loony toon” case. Of course, that just reminded him of the lengths he’d go to for Cas, something he’d previously only have ever done for Sam. He would take up torturing again and again if he had to, without remorse or hesitation. The thought almost didn’t even scare him anymore, because it had all been worth it.

Dean had declared his affection in every way but words when they reunited by that grey lake. If Benny was apprehensive before meeting Cas, it was worse afterwards. Castiel would be off scoping out the area and Benny would pull Dean aside, words lost at his friend’s blood and dirt smeared face. Benny had understood, even if he didn’t like it. Dean wished he’d have just chewed him out, hit him, told him what an idiot he was for dragging this dangerous and unwilling beacon around. But he never did. He would only make comments in passing in front of Castiel, hoping he would do the right thing and leave on his own again.

“All I’ve ever asked for was your respect Dean.” Castiel tilted Dean’s head up forcing their eyes to meet, with an expression that seemed ask something he couldn’t quite put into words. That really shouldn’t have gone straight to his groin, but whadya know.

  
Of course, the next thing either of them knew Dean was straddling Cas’ lap, glaring into those stupid blue eyes.

Man, he was not drunk enough for this.

Cas held Dean’s head in place , sweeping his jaw with calloused thumbs and working his tongue through Dean’s lips. It was bizarre. He was pretty sure this was the same porn-inspired kissing from “the pizza man” he’d used on Meg. He jerked his hips up against Dean, which was totally unfair. Castiel was way stronger than he looked, and Dean couldn’t do much but squirm a little and kiss back.

He locked his arms behind Castiel, resting them on the back of the sofa.

“Cas, when or if we ever get all this angels and demons mess sorted out, back to just hunting monsters and crap, you know… will you stay with me and Sam? I wasn’t lying to you either, you know. I really, really do need you. I can’t- I can’t…. ah…”

Castiel stared. Dean was pretty sure he hadn’t blinked at all in the past ten minutes.

“Ah fuck it. Just stay with us, okay? I won’t be able to stand losing you. Not again. I can’t take it man. ‘Specially when you leave on your own.”

Castiel didn’t smile, or frown, or anything. Well, maybe there was something. Was that pity? He better not be feeling pity. It was bad enough they were getting all chick flick-y here.

“Dean, I never _want_ to leave you and Sam. I would always rather be with you. Even when I am angry at you. And trust me, it happens enough.”

He couldn’t help but smile at that. He slowly slid of Cas’ lap, and settled back to his spot on the couch. Not that he wasn’t still a bit excited, because he was. But the timing didn’t feel right, even if a certain person next to him looked a little disappointed. He turned off the TV, got up and stretched.

“You tired yet Cas? There are two beds in here, but I don’t know. Seems kind of rude to make the maid to clean up two beds when one could fit us both pretty well.

Castiel finally blinked. “Dean I don’t und-”

“Just get in the bed, Casanova. You’re the little spoon though.”

He still didn’t look like he totally got it, but made a pretty hasty beeline for sheets anyway. It occurred to Dean that Cas probably only had the vaguest idea of what spooning was, but hey. Someone’s got to teach him there’s more to relationships than just sex.

**Author's Note:**

> Little something I whipped up while procrastinating on what I was using to procrastinate on writing one of my papers.
> 
> *Read part 2 for Dean's awkward struggle between getting off with Cas and questioning his own existence.


End file.
